dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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