whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
