marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
