after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So vagazzling was a success
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
