Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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