she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
