Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
