What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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