Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
