This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
