The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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