Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
