this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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