You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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