wat bout pragnant strippers??
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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