1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
