Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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