Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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