I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
