is your mom at the bar?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
