I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
