so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
