Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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