i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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