i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
