Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
