just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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