I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
