Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
