Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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