I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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