I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
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