is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
