i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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