My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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