I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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