She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
