it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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