i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
