4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
