Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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