I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
