remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
