Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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