im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
