Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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