Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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