Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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