she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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