Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
