There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
