Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
