i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
